Do you have what it takes to become Sergio's Next Top Bodyguard?

"DCCARGEEK" (dccargeek) 06/11/2014 at 12:17 • Filed to: None

10

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Are you authorized to carry a weapon in Michigan? Do you have 15 years of know-how protecting senior executives? Do you have prior law enforcement experience? Can you make people disappear?

OK, that last one I made up, but the first three are requirements listed in a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! announcement to join Chrysler's Executive Protection Group.

Their job – protect information, protect people.

From the announcement:

"Executive Protection is responsible for the protection of the security and integrity of strategic corporate intellectual property (IP) through a combination of investigative techniques, research, liaison and training. This role will assist the Executive Protection (EP) Group in providing for the safety and personal security of the company CEO, executive management, and designated other employees, by advising, planning and executing security techniques in accordance with the Chrysler EP philosophy. Provide internal training to assist all company personnel to protect intellectual property. Assist in the development and management of IP protection strategies. Create and maintain necessary databases and/or archives to track the intellectual property portfolio and technical documentation. Provide assistance to internal clients in pursuing non-disclosure and/or confidentiality for all external parties, as required. Assist Brand Protection with investigations to compile and document evidence, and develop clear and concise cases for presentation to Brand Protection management and Chrysler LLC Office of General Counsel (OGC). Assist with investigations into suspected IP theft, including the potential of some undercover work. Provide executive protection security to company CEO, executive management, or designated employees. Mitigate threats and vulnerabilities to senior management via investigations, proactive means, site visits, preplanning security at events, etc. Travel with executives as needed, often on short notice, including extended worldwide travel. Liaison with law enforcement and other security service providers for enhanced security as required. Maintain training, firearms qualifications, licensing, and permit requirements."

Intellectual property is a company's most valuable asset, so it only makes sense to ensure the person protecting your IP can also carry a gun. OK, I'm kidding about needing a gun, but corporate espionage, just like government espionage, is no joke.

I'm not an expert on espionage, but would assume this kind of position runs the gambit of crazy things to do and deal with from protecting Sergio during a visit in South Africa to going undercover in a sting operation to nab an engineer trying to sell design plans.

Having read this job description I would love to spend a day or two riding shotgun with Chrysler's Executive Protection Group. It would be an interesting, behind-the-curtain look at a very valuable, yet rarely talked about (for various reasons I'm sure) element in the automotive industry.

I can see it now...

"Cuda. Sweater6 is on the move."

"Roger Sebring. Confirm Sweater6 status. Four-Two-Six is hot. Roll in 3."

"Affirmative Cuda. Sebring OUT."

For Sweden > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:20

0

Can they find Steve Job's old bodyguard?

Diesel > For Sweden 06/11/2014 at 12:28

11

You mean cancer?

For Sweden > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 12:28

5

No, that bodyguard failed completely.

ghost650 > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 12:33

2

That doesn't even make sense.

Diesel > ghost650 06/11/2014 at 12:36

3

Nobody fucks with cancer.

-OITNB

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:46

3

I can do this, I have watched every season of 24, except that redemption movie and Monday's episode. Also I used to play counter strike like all the time. I've also watched the Bodyguard with Kevin Costner. Also, very importantly, I've owned and currently own several sweaters, I like them.

Triborough > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:47

1

I just thought he would just call the mob since isn't FIAT some sort of mob front?

The Compromiser > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 12:50

0

Once in the nearest butt?

oldirtybootz > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:50

1

Cuda is Ralph Gilles' dog.

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:50

1

Diesel > The Compromiser 06/11/2014 at 12:51

3

Orange Is The New Black

Kaufmania: Mark Webber's Stunt Double > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:52

0

sweater protects his dress shirt with dated buttoned collar. Your job is to protect his black heart

DCCARGEEK > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 06/11/2014 at 12:53

0

YOU ARE HIRED!

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:54

0

Thanks bro. I was worried my affinity for sweaters may be construed as too personal a touch, but I am glad it was appreciated, I certainly didn't want to overstep my bounds..

crazycar > Triborough 06/11/2014 at 12:55

1

I've heard all about Tony the Fixer.

Victorious Secret > Triborough 06/11/2014 at 12:55

0

No, but to do business in Italy, they have to pay the mob.

Sergio didn't pay the mob, hence all the protection he usually has.

DCCARGEEK > Triborough 06/11/2014 at 12:58

0

Italian much?

ThatbastardKurtis > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 12:59

0

There is only one Sergio who deserves respect. And he was called "The Myth"

DCCARGEEK > ThatbastardKurtis 06/11/2014 at 13:00

1

Perfect pre-gym shame photo. Instead of lifting I think I'll go eat a donut or 4.

DCCARGEEK > oldirtybootz 06/11/2014 at 13:01

0

You are correct. Ralph, hell of a good dude.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:03

1

wonder what you would drive....perhaps a Chrysler 300 with the SRT engine without the SRT badging?

ThatbastardKurtis > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:04

0

Well, does it help that this photo was from the late 60s early 70s? And even Arnold Swartzenegger his contemporary thought he was genetic freak.

DCCARGEEK > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 06/11/2014 at 13:08

0

I'm going to guess B6 Durango with a 6.4 custom upgrade http://www.troyarmoring.com/portfolio_page…

SoutherthanThou > ghost650 06/11/2014 at 13:19

0

You don't make sense.

Viggen > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:21

0

If I get a drive a Viper with Bond style gadgets I'll do it.

ghost650 > SoutherthanThou 06/11/2014 at 13:21

0

Your face.

Sergio526 > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:31

0

The headline caught me... off guard

Wha-whaaaaaaaaaa

Alabimmer > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:44

0

I'd take a bullet for Sergio.

r3bman > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:45

0

Do I get a company car?

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:46

0

Only if they let me carry a .50 cal Desert Eagle. 'Cause they're totally concealable..

If you're 7' tall.

404usernotfound > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:57

1

I have inside knowlege about possible security threats....

Coneire > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 13:59

0

last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

This is what I do,,,,,,,,,,

www.bam80.com

C25A1guy > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 14:05

1

Lets see here:
Are you authorized to carry a weapon in Michigan?
-I can be in a short amount of time

Do you have 15 years of know-how protecting senior executives?
-2 years. But I can bullshit my way up there.

Do you have prior law enforcement experience?
-More like "Here's your orders. Go and kill everything in sight"

Can you make people disappear?
-Can I torture them first for shits and giggles?

the7thearlofgrey > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 14:09

0

they should hire this clown he's in the MAFIAT fugetaboutit

Johnnyma45 > Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs 06/11/2014 at 14:49

0

Uhh I should be hired over you. I've watched Redemption AND this week's episode, AND I played 24: The Game and own a "Jack Bauer for President" t-shirt. I can't quickscope on COD but I can keep my K/D above a 1...on most days. Um no sweaters but I have one sweater vest, it can get warm in Michigan.

For your consideration.

Triborough > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 14:53

0

They are all in the mafia, right?

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > Johnnyma45 06/11/2014 at 14:54

0

Maybe I should've mentioned I can dual wield pistols in Unreal Tournament like a badass. Also, I'm in Michigan, I wore a sweater on Monday.

The Compromiser > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 15:07

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Ah. I thought Black was the new black again?

Diesel > The Compromiser 06/11/2014 at 15:08

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Naw, that's 'African American'.

The Compromiser > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 15:11

0

So African Americans are the new Orange? How do y'all keep up with it???

oldirtybootz > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 15:12

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From what I've seen him post on Instagram, he definitely seems like one of the coolest guys in the industry. A girl with a Dart who I'm friends actually got to meet him at Moparpalooza last month. I love that he mingles with real car people.

Diesel > The Compromiser 06/11/2014 at 15:17

1

Hatly1991 > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 15:22

0

last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

This is what I do,,,,,,,,,,

www.bam80.com

SophiaLDement > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 15:37

0

Start working at home with Google! It's by-far the best job I've had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this - 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go to tech tab for work detail

 http://keptmoney.com

LJ909 > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 16:32

1

Is this the kind of world we live in now? Where someone as obscure (relativity speaking, outside of the automotive world) as an automotive executive needs a bodyguard? I think just the fact they have a job position like this is ridiculous.

The Compromiser > Diesel 06/11/2014 at 17:21

1

still too confusing...

Sargent I knew used to say, " there are 8 colours because that was how my crayolas came."

I now say "there's 8 colours in the box. Everything else is a matter of pressure and overlap. "

I'm also a big believer in applied voltage to solve the worlds problems. It's only a matter of the right amount in the right locations.

RMudkips > 404usernotfound 06/11/2014 at 17:48

0

Stuck in my head now, thanks

ranwhenparked > DCCARGEEK 06/11/2014 at 18:42

1

Let's just hope they've programmed CandidateCare to weed out any resume with the words "Georges Besse".

Ad_absurdum_per_aspera > LJ909 06/11/2014 at 20:52

0

It's a global business, and there are parts of the world where ransom kidnapping of expat or visiting executives (or their families, who I assume are also in the bubble) is a career path. The risk of a sudden encounter with a disgruntled and enhandgunned former employee is also a consideration in some circles, and although the Occupy movement per se is looking rather spent, there are some anti-corporate people who are pretty far "out there."

That said, looking at the quoted posting, I think Human Resources pied together at least two and maybe three job descriptions: the physical side of executive protection, a gumshoe type to track down IP violations, and a cyber- and document-security guy to figure out how to prevent leakage. It would take a real Renaissance man to do creditable work at a high level to everything in that posting.

LJ909 > Ad_absurdum_per_aspera 06/12/2014 at 03:06

0

Oh ok yea I didnt think about the bigger picture. But yea, there has to be like 5 people that fit this job description. Highly specialized.